...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
