We won't sleep together?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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