I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
