remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
