Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
