Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
