It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
