My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
