omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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