Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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