How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
