Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
