If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
