i don't like sucking hair
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
