Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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