i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
