I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
