Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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