I wish I could teleport
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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