I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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