Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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