After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize