we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
