I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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