Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
