my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
