He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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