Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
