If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
