in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
