what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
