I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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