I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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