Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
