kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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