and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
