you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
