sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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