haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
