My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
