So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
