I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
honey bunches of taint.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
