"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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