what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
