Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
