Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
