i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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