i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
