After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
