nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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