if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize