I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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