also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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