it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
