Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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