Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
