Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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