i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
