Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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