dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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