I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
