it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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