What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love having hate sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
