Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
