Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
