I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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