go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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