Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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