I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
