if i can run in heels then i can drive
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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