this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
