so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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