in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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