Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
